Mother's Day Tribute

 

It has been 4 years and 4 months since my wonderful Mom left mortality. Countless times      I’ve wanted to talk to her so very much and tell her about things that are going on in my life and to get advice. I know she is still near (I've felt her spirit many times), but certainly it is not the same. There are many times I need her. I don’t know how she (and my grandma) battled cancer for so long. She was in her late forties into early fifties; way, way too young. Now I’m facing the same thing at 34 and have been for 3 years. I have been blessed, but like my oncologist said,   I’ll be going through a lot of chemo regiments in the future. No fun indeed. Did I sign up for this? It is said amongst my family members that we were too busy talking to each other in the pre-mortal existence when we seemed to accept this extremely rare gene mutation. Anyhow, I miss my Mom so very much, but so grateful I’ll be able to see her again.

            One of many ways I miss very much about my mom is the moments when we said goodnight to each other. From my youth, she would sing the chorus to “Goodnight Sweetheart” by the Spangles. Afterward, she always ended it by dipping me. it was a moment that only her and I had and I loved it and miss it so much. My mom and I are very much a like in a lot of ways. For example, when we were in a conversation with each other we’d always end up singing a line to a song we thought of, which was inspired by whatever we were talking about.

 

Excerpt from a want-to-be writer:

…When I was a young girl, my mom never referred to me as having cerebral palsy.  Instead, I always heard her say “She had a stroke before she was born,” which is true. (In actuality, I’m technically hemiplegic. But as a child and into my youth, I always heard “CP” and not “hemiplegia”.  My mom would tell me “If you don’t want to tell people you have cerebral palsy, you can tell them that you had a stroke before you were born.” Later I realized she repeatedly told me that because I do not look like a typical person with CP.)

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…I have always blamed my problems in life very harshly on my physical disability, though at a very young age I didn’t realize that there was anything wrong with me. When I was in kindergarten I came home from school and asked my mom if I was handicapped.

“No, who told you that?”, she asked, seemingly disturbed by my question.

“Someone at school.”

“Well, you’re not.”

  On another occasion I asked her, “Mom, do I have a limp?”

“No, who told you that?” Again, she seemed disturbed. As the protective mother she is she never brought to my attention that I, in fact, do have a minor limp.

“A boy at school...”At that moment my mom wanted to go right up to the boy and tell him not to say such things to her daughter. One day, when I was at school with my Mom I saw my classmate and said pointing to him “Mom that is the boy...” My Mother was shocked to see that the boy who told me I am handicapped has the same condition I do.

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One evening I was expressing my pain to my mother…

“Heavenly Father never makes mistakes,” My mom said. “He never gives you anything that you cannot handle.”

“I would like to look at it that way”, I hysterically cried, “but I just can’t see it in me. I am so stupid. I have no friends…”

“…All I can say, Kimberly, is that this is one of your trials in life and Satan is the one who is bringing you down.”

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“…I know everyone tells you constantly and marvel at how close to perfect someone’s sweet spirit could be on earth. But sometimes I don’t think you appreciate enough that you are who you are. I would change with you in a second and so would everyone that knows you, but I guess you would never want to change with anyone… you are so sweet and kind to everyone so patient and sensitive to everyone else’s feelings… Someone someday will hopefully be as wonderful as you that you pick for a husband.” Letter from Mom 1993

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 I also want to recognize my Grandma Tess, who passed away, December 2002. I am honored to be named after her, and Emeline Tess is able to carry on her name as well. No doubt I was so close to grandma. My grandma's journal is minimal, but the following is an excerpt she recorded in 1980:

 

"…Diane and I are back for the brain scan for Kimberly… The results were that Kimberly had a stroke and a cyst developed in her brain… It’s too early to tell what the outcome will be, but with the will and help of the Lord she will have a chance… When you see what she goes through you know she is a special gift from God.”

"She is such a special little spirit. Why does this have to be? She is so special; such a sweet little smile and oh, so good! They say I favor her, and yes I do. I'm not ashamed to admit it." :) She saw potential in me I never saw.

 

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...And then there is last year... I threw out the first pitch at the M's vs. A's game!!